Here's How We Talk Ourselves Into the Sixers Beating the East's Top Four in the Playoffs
Spike on how we pull off the upset in the first round — or at least how we delude ourselves into thinking it's possible.
Well, God willing, these assholes are going to be in the playoffs again, so us assholes have to do our part.
Our part, is as always, convincing ourselves that the Sixers will have a chance to beat any of the teams they play in the first round. I, one of the head assholes, am here to help you do that.
I’m going to skip over all of the convincing you’ll have to do about the Sixers themselves. We know what those steps are (fresh legs, nobody there to guard Embiid, etc…). What I’m going to present to you here is how to convince yourself that the Sixers can beat any of the top four seeds in the Eastern Conference that they may play.
Detroit Pistons
This one’s pretty easy! First of all, we have the “they might not have Cade Cunningham” to lean on until proven otherwise. I will chose to believe that he’s not going to play.
From there it gets pretty easy. There is simply no way you’ll convince me that the Sixers are going to lose to a team who is starting Tobias Harris against us. The world is often times cruel, but not cruel enough to let us lose to a guy who scored zero points in his playoff finale against us. If it were a “carrying books into the locker room” contest, we may lose, but not basketball.
Boston Celtics
Are you kidding me? The Celtics are a tinderbox just waiting for someone to throw a match.
They were cruising along as the feel good story of the season as they looked great without Jayson Tatum, thanks to greatest coach of all time Joe Mazzulla. Tatum came back, and they’ve admittedly been very good since then. However, we all know they’re one playoff loss away from some Jaylen Brown subtweet or postgame comment that suggests they were better before Tatum came back. From there, it’s smooth sailing for our Sixers.
New York Knicks
Since I used to work in New York, with a lot of Knicks fans, I do get to see a lot of their chatter online. Let me tell you this loud and clear — if there’s any fanbase who thinks their team sucks more than we do, it’s Knicks fans.
They’ve benched KAT a few times down the stretch and it doesn’t seem like the other players respect him very much. Josh Hart has some comment once a month about what’s wrong with the team. And let’s be honest, Jalen Brunson is a guy but he’s not THAT guy. Does he hit clutch shots? Yes. Is he tough and not afraid of the moment? Also yes. But he’s just not good enough to dribble the air out of the ball as much as he does.
Cleveland Cavaliers
Going against James Harden in a playoff series? In this economy? Say no more.
Team Ricky
Beckett took a look at which Sixers players will benefit most from the return of Joel Embiid and Paul George.
Although I did a pretty good job of talking myself into things at the start of this post, nobody talks themselves into stuff like AU does.
We had Sixers Adam on the Ricky this week and just tortured him the entire time.
Non-Team Ricky
Truly, what is Evan Turner’s problem?
Finally – has anyone been on the injury report for an illness more than Joel Embiid over the last five or six years? Could someone do that research for me?
