The Top 20 Foods: The Completely Correct List From Abbie Huertas (@digrupert)
This is the final (?) list.
I have some strong opinions about the previous two lists, but I'll refrain from speaking them because I'm trying to be nice. Anyway. Food is all about love. The only reason anyone makes you food - and I mean real ass food that tastes good, that you enjoy eating, that becomes your favorite - is because they love you. The only reason that YOU make yourself anything that tastes good is because you love yourself, at least a little bit. Or you at least love how that food makes you feel, because you love it. Because if you didn’t, you would just eat garbage to fuel your body and keep yourself going and be content. Yes, I know restaurants exist. Those are the exceptions. Those people don’t love you.
Pizza is so beloved that it’s almost a given in any food list. As a child I hated pizza deeply because everyone else liked it. I was a pizza hipster. Now as an adult I like pizza.
19. Wawa Cheese Sticks
The best thing to eat on a short road trip (1 - 4 hours) is a cheddar cheese stick from Wawa. Also apple slices, but the cheese stick is the most important part. Cheese sticks conjure memories of summer, and having friends and being with them, and laughing, and being happy. I love those little dudes.
Funfetti is what birthdays look like. It’s the perfect cake, besides [REDACTED]. It’s eye-catching, it’s inspiring; it has, no joke, inspired some of the color palettes I choose in my art. Funfetti is beautiful. It’s a cake I dream about.
17. White Rice
White rice is love. White rice is present in some of my favorite meals. It’s wholesome on its own. I say white rice is love because it reminds me of Leo's* mother, who is one of my best friends. She makes white rice as a side for most meals and is probably the reason I like it so much now. Every time I eat white rice I feel like I'm loved.
*Leo is my partner.
16. Soft Pretzels
Soft pretzels are delicious. An absolute icon of a snack food.
15. Garlic Bread
Any bread that doesn’t have garlic in it sucks, unless it is toasted. More on that in a minute. Garlic bread is love because it is delicious and I love it.
The first time I had bulgogi was when Leo and my father and I went out to a Korean barbecue place. I forget the occasion. For Leo’s birthday this year we went to that same Korean barbecue place. When I eat bulgogi I think of being with my families, and then I think about how absolutely delicious it is, and then, because I’ve only ever had it at a KBBQ place, I make Leo ask the waiter to bring us more.
This should speak for itself:
I once had Leo make me a fried egg at around four in the morning and he did it because I asked and because he loves me. Eggs are a beautiful food.
12. Goldfish Crackers
Goldfish crackers were originally invented by a guy named Oscar and he manufactured them in the shape of a fish because his wife was a Pisces. Food is about love.
Cheese whales suck and I hate them.
11. Cheez Its
I own this:
Do I need to say any more?
Jokes aside, I first ate Cheez-Its as a child. I remember I was sitting on my couch and that it was Easter season, and I remember that it was Easter season because my mother came in the room with a little pink stuffed bunny that I wish I still had. She gave it to me as a gift, partly because I was being ravaged by a terrible cold. I remember the bunny becoming speckled with crumbs from the Cheez-Its as I ate them, sniffling, on my couch watching Cartoon Network.
Cheez-Its have been one of the few constants in my life. I am forever grateful to Cheez-Its for always being there for me.
Fuck cantaloupe, pineapple is the best fruit.
For a few years, my sister would make me a cheesecake for my birthday, because it was my favorite and she loved me. Cheesecake is the god of all cakes. I hate any cake that isn’t cheese (or funfetti).
8. Grilled Cheese
Grilled cheese is the only sandwich that’s worth it. Delicious. Simple. It can be dressed up or down. Versatile. Anyone that has ever made me a grilled cheese has only done so out of love, because more often than not I am eating a grilled cheese sandwich because the rest of the family is eating something I don't like - fish, soup, vegetables, etc. If the person cooking didn’t love me they would simply make me eat gruel (i.e. vegetarian duck).
Biscuits were my favorite as a child. I have a memory of being a teen and my mother bringing home, specifically, Pillsbury biscuits in their cylindrical packaging. “Your favorite!” she said with a sparkle in her eye. And what a treat it was, since at the time we were on food stamps and we often didn’t have a reason to eat biscuits.
I first ate stir fry because Leo's mother made it for dinner. I ascended to a new plane of living. I asked for it to be made for my last birthday. It rocked.
Toast is the only bread better than garlic bread. As a child my mother would occasionally make me breakfast in bed and the best part was the toast. I eat toast and feel a mother’s love.
4. Root Beer Floats
I grew up hating soda. At least part of that was because everyone liked it, like pizza. I was a soda hipster. The other part was that it just didn’t taste good. I still don’t really like it - I can’t drink it without wincing and giving a little shake. It tastes wrong. It tastes bad. But Leo introduced me to root beer floats and oh, how they made my heart sing. One of the finest treats. Every time I have one I think of Leo, my partner, my one true love. I think of every root beer float we’ve had together - on vacation, at home, on a dinner date before going to the movies. Root beer floats are delicious. Root beer floats are love.
3. French Fries
Before I met Leo and infiltrated his family I had never eaten chili. I had never eaten beans. Now, I love chili, and beans taste good, and it rocks. I love chili.
1. Roasted Cauliflower
I don’t like vegetables.
By my own admission I was a spoiled child and I got to eat, for the most part, whatever I wanted. I had power. I used my power to refuse any vegetable, except corn for some reason, and even as an adult, even though I know they’re good for me, I find it hard to eat vegetables. at best they make me wince. At worst they make me dry heave.
I do eat vegetables now, even though it’s hard. This year, 2020, Leo's mother introduced me to roasted cauliflower. And its goodness is best exemplified by the fact that it is now my number one food. Roasted cauliflower is love because Leo's mother makes it all the time because I like it, and I like it because she showed it to me and she is my friend and I love her.