I Am Missing Kelly Oubre Jr. This Summer
AU is falling into old patterns as a Sixers fan.
I remember there being some tweet that went semi-viral on NBA Twitter, probably around 2019, that pictured a Sixers fan being at a future championship parade and saying to themselves: “I wonder what Robert Covington is up to.” You can tell it’s from 2019, both by Cov still being The One That Got Away and by the idea that a Sixers march down Broad Street was still a future that we were inexorably headed towards. But the implication, of course, was that us Process-era Sixers fans were so obsessed both with Our Guys and with flaming the front office for letting them go, that we would rather stew in anger and bitterness over what was no longer than to enjoy what actually was.
Well, that’s basically me this summer. Under the new fearless leadership of Mike GANSEYYYYYYY this offseason, the Sixers have pulled off the most shocking heist of perhaps the entire NBA decade — on the heister’s side, not the heistee, if you can believe it — scored a couple long-coveted, well-fitting free agents, and drafted a fun first-round guard who might be leading the Sixers to the first winning Summer League record of my lifetime. They’re even still in the hunt to host the greatest basketball player of the 21st century’s farewell tour. But all I can really think about is: I wonder what Kelly Oubre Jr.’s up to.
I mean, I sorta know: He’s in (or at least slowly headed towards) Indiana, where he signed a two-year, $17-million contract earlier this month, a deal first announced before the Sixers’ flurry of mega-activity. The news of him leaving was upsetting but not shocking; the Sixers long appeared to be headed in a different direction, one in which we had too many other guys to prioritize and/or guys who weren’t going anywhere regardless to likely make Oubre happy. I wished the final numbers had been a little bigger, just to make it a little less of a debate — if the question was whether we’d rather have Dean Wade for four years, $39 million or Oubre for two and $17, I certainly know what my answer would be — but it was fine, sort of. He was gone. Oh I. Oh I.
It set in gradually but unmistakably just how much I was already starting to miss Kelly. It’s hard to go three seasons on the Sixers and leave without having any particularly bad memories associated with you. Even some of our franchise legends — indeed, even our much-beloved two-timer Robert Covington — have big moments of marked underperformance on their resume, and/or things we always wanted them to learn to start doing but never did, and/or things they said or did or wanted that clearly meant it was never gonna happen for them here long-term. And the three years that Oubre was here for were by no means golden ones for the Sixers; had we not pulled off the upset of upsets in the first round last season, it would’ve inarguably been the most ignominious period in franchise history since before this whole thing started.
Still, it’s tough to think of Kelly and not only think of good times. Him hitting a three from the corner and blowing a kiss to the opposite bench. Him drawing an offensive foul and giving a big ol’ “FIRST DOWWWWN!” hand-chop in the other direction to the roaring home crowd. Him getting called for a defensive foul and rolling his eyes and doing the “flop” motion at an uninterested ref. Him swinging on the rim for a half-second too long while mean-mugging at the photographers for prosperity. Him learning how to pass just in time to give Mike a glimmer of last-second hope for his five-assist games pre-season prediction. Him putting up 30 and 12 at home against the Grizzlies the same night Cam Payne posted 32 and 10, to save the Sixers’ regular season and give Spike his biggest Sixersgasm of the year. Him turning all of Philadelphia into a vigilant neighborhood watch by getting hit by a car, then... maybe not who knows. And of course — of course of course — him forever dubbing the entire refereeing industry as bitch-made, going back multiple generations. It’s just amazing he was able to get so much personality, so much singularity, so many eternal moments into just three otherwise largely unremarkable seasons of Sixers basketball.
Was there Bad Kelly stuff in between all of those? I guess? I mean there must’ve been, right — otherwise he’d probably still be here? His three-point percentage was always a little low. His positional awkwardness as a 3/4 tweener could make him a tough fit in certain lineups. He never helped us a ton on the glass or as a secondary playmaker. When he wasn’t locked in, he could sometimes be really not locked in. But man... it is so easy for me to get frustrated with the Sixers on both a team and individual level. Joel Embiid is very easily my favorite basketball player of all time and if you asked me for a top 10 list of things he does that drives me nuts, I’d probably try to sneak in an 11th and 12th as honorable mentions. But Kelly... I don’t really feel any of it. It’s there, I guess, but I have to really struggle to think of any of it, and I can only kinda pretend to actually be mad about most of it. I mean look at that face. Who could stay mad at Kelly Oubre Jr.?
Maybe I wouldn’t be spending so much emotional energy this summer pining after Kelly if I hadn’t spent the last decade rooting against Jaylen Brown — and most of the last two decades rooting against LeBron James. I can recognize the great things they will or would do for the Sixers and acknowledge on an objective level that it’s fucking batshit crazy insane that we actually got the former and have even the slimmest of chances to land the latter, but does that mean I’m actively excited at the prospect of rooting for either on the Sixers? Not particularly. Labaron Philon Jr. will almost certainly be an easier sell on me once I totally lock into Summer League mode, but with the Phillies suddenly finding themselves in a real division race (and about to host All-Star festivities) and the World Cup hanging over everything, it’s been a little slower-going for me to get there this year. Then maybe Anfernee Simons in the preseason? Or maybe Jaylen will offer enough Boston subtweets over his livestreams that he’ll actually endear himself to me? Maybe Covington out of retirement for round three??
We’ll see, I suppose. In the meantime, I’m scouting Indiana as a League Pass second squad this year. They’re fun, right? They’re the one team Knicks fans hate as much as we now hate the Knicks? They haven’t beaten the Sixers in the playoffs since the Iverson era? They’ve still got T.J.? If Kelly’s there, I’m there. If the Sixers do end up having a championship parade, I’ll give him a lift. We don’t wanna risk him riding his bike around the parade route anyway.
Andrew Unterberger writes for The Rights To Ricky Sanchez, as part of the ‘If Not, Pick Will Convey as Two Second-Rounders’ section of the site. You can follow Andrew on Twitter @AUGetoffmygold and can also read him at Billboard.