Top 10 Sixers Offseason Changes

The Opening Tip
 

Hello & Happy Almost Weekend - It's the Corner Three!

Win A Case Of Surfside & Phillies Tickets

Stateside Vodka has some Phillies tickets and a case of Surfside! Just hit the link and find out how to enter.

Oh Yeah, The Sixers

Some Quick Thoughts
 

My Coaching Hierarchy (As it relates to who I'd be cool with as Sixers coach)
1 - Nick Nurse (Hard ass, not afraid to get creative on either end, shooting coach, no problem calling out his players)
2 - Monty Williams (Was here before, knows the culture, can (at least) get a team to the finals)
3 - Everyone else

                              
This Week's Top 10 (Sixers Offseason Fixes Edition)

10. Hire a witch doctor to diagnose and cleanse the training facility and WFC of all demons
9. Prioritize BBall Paul
8. Watch Game 7 with electric tape holding up their eye lids
7. Get some fucking heart
6. Prioritize Big Maxey Summer
5. Get a tad bit younger and much more athletic
4. Figure out Tobias (See: Trade Tobias)
3. Let Harden Walk (Might move the quickest he's moved all year)
2. Instill a damn culture
1. Reinvent Joel Embiid

Best Thing I Ate This Week

Needed some comfort after that bullshit week so old faithful called in the name of a Chicken Cheesesteak from Max's. Do yourself a favor this weekend or next

Mike's Corner... I Still Can't Watch Basketball

Every week, Spike or Mike will write something for the Corner Three Newsletter. It's Mike's turn, with his analysis of Celtics vs. Heat.

I watched like 4 plays of Celtics/Heat and had to stop. 

Not because I feel any particular way about the Sixers' chances against Miami had they advanced. Not because I'm capable of deriving any ounce of joy out of Boston's failure. And not because Mark Jackson is talking.

Because this sucks! Every frame of NBA basketball is a reminder of the one that got away. The ones that got away. The half dozen ones that got away, for this franchise, for this MVP, for this former MVP, and for this fanbase and particularly the Process fanbase that treats this less like a rooting interest and more like a personality. I am way more of a Sixers Fan than I am a Scorpio or an ENTJ. And seeing any Eastern Conference NBA Basketball (the West is omitted due to husbandly duties) this soon after another Sixers failure is an affront to my very existence.

I wish I could delete the Sixers from my phone. Block them on social media. Tell my friends to side with me in the breakup and never speak to them again. Get too drunk one night and message the Sixers' friend group stuff they told to me in secret. I want to go nuclear on these fuckteam pieces of trash, and I don't want to see them ever again, and if I run into them out in the wild, I don't want to be wearing a stupid fucking sun protection hat like I was when I ran into a former love interest on the WGA picket lines a few weeks ago!!!!!!!!!!

But we can't quit the Sixers. I really can't because of the podcast that is now my only source of income. But also because it's who we are. We have incurred wound after wound after wound from these assholes, and to quit now is letting them win. My calloused body is furious, and bleeding, and occasionally depressed to the point of catatonic, but it's still alive. And if one of me or The Sixers is going to quit, it's going to be them, moving the team. To goddamn Australia or something. I have no choice but to outlast them. It's baked too deeply into my personality. 

Just give me some goddamn time away from shitass Celtics/shitass Heat.

Peace, Love and Process Enjoy the long weekend and the Stateside                                    

                                                           -Zo