Raptors Fans... Beat It
The Opening Tip
Hello and Happy Victory Friday. It's the Corner Three!
Oh Yeah, The Sixers
I'm Not Zo
Let's get this out of the way, I'm not Alonzo. I know what you may be thinking, 'fuck Spike, I subscribed to this newsletter for Zo, not Spike. I've never liked Spike.' Mate, I hear you. But Zo is off this week, so I'm filling in. He'll be back next week.
In The End, Too Much Maxey
My experience watching the game last night was a hilarious picture of my current life. For my work at WFAN, I was at an event for the radio station that was an NFL Draft party for Giants and Jets fans. So there I am, in the middle of it, with 1000 TVs on the NFL draft (Go Birds!), and one small TV in the corner set on the Sixers game, with no sound, for me.
In any case... it was quite obvious to me that although he wasn't the only person on the Sixers who played well, Tyrese Maxey was the guy who won that game. When you're trying to pull off a big comeback, whether it's in a single game or in a series like the Raptors were attempting, you've only got so much time and so much energy. Everything's got to go right. You're speeding down a hill with no brakes, and even the smallest pebble can fuck everything up
Last night, the Raptors were speeding down the hill with no brakes, and Tyrese Maxey was that little fucking pebble. Toronto was stretched to their limits, and to complete the upset that would haunt us for decades, they needed everything to go right. And then they met Tyrese Maxey in the third quarter. He was simply too much. Too fast, too hard to keep up with, and every three pointer that he would have missed last year (if he even took), was a no doubter that didn't even touch rim. Thank you, Mike Muscala.
Back To Being Dickheads
As it looked like the Nuggets were going to get swept, and the Sixers were going to sweep, our shame parade of Jokic voters was in full-swing. Then game four happened. Ok, whatever. But then, game five happened.
Now that the Sixers are safely out of the first round, as Embiid dominates in the closeout game, we can go back to insisting that everyone who didn't vote our guy for MVP is an incredible dipshit who spends their time refreshing Nate Silver's website instead of watching the games.
B-Ball Paul
Paul Reed being on the court with the long, rangy, Raptors, struck me as sort of funny last night. Paul Reed is like if you took Chris Boucher and Pascal Siakam, and put him through the pods that Jeff Goldblum used in The Fly along with every single Process Sixer. He's a Raptor, but he's too weird, so he's a Sixer.
He's long and rangy, truly fucking strange and was meant to be Joel Embiid's backup. He was also +5, Doc. We were right again.
Raptors Fans, Beat It
Raptors fans went pretty psychotic during this series. All fans are psycho, but Raptors fans turned the page from "ignore the text from this person" to the rarely used "block number." Your shit is so crazy, I can't ignore it on my own so I need help from technology.
But it's over, and we've certainly been prone to idiocy over the years. All good, everything is forgotten. Now don't mind us as we slide this $100 bill over to the league and refs for favoring the Sixers the entire series.
THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS
Honestly, just want to thank all of the businesses that support our stupid shit. It takes some guts and stupidty to be part of what we do, so we're glad you support them for supporting us.
Draft Kings Sportsbook, for allowing us to do the Emotional Hedge Single Game Parlay.
LL Pavorsky Jewelers, for your psychotic Twitter feed.
Briggs Auction, for someday being the source of a piece of furniture my wife did not ask for.
Adam Kornblau, for buying all those corndogs that night.
MortgageCS, for spending more time on the Ricky part of their website than we spend on anything.
Adam Ksebe, for making sure Sixers Adam has money for food.
Big Barker, for giving me an excuse four times a month to talk about dogs.
Body Bio, for keeping me regular and hydrated.
Stateside Vodka for taking the edge off during the pod for me.
Kinetic Skateboarding, for making sure I look like a boomer in zoomer clothes.
Our Guys
Sixers Adam wrote about the closeout game.
Andrew Unterberger, the true heartbeat of the Ricky, wrote what we were all feeling last night.
Charity Spotlight
Our friends at Providence Animal Center are celebrating their 10 year anniversary. We love them. They're great people who save animals who need homes.
In any case, our t-shirt designer Tanner did the logo for their 10 year anniversary, and you can get t-shirts and other merch with it right here.
Peace, Love and Process
12 More
-Spike