My Five-Step Sixers Offseason Plan

The Opening Tip

                                      Hello and Happy Thursday,
                                  it's the (Offseason) Corner Three.

             

Oh Yeah,The Sixers 

The Wrap Up

Uhhh... Yea, that FUCKING sucked. Still does, I'm not over it. I feel lied to, led astray and used. Every year, in recent history at least, we've been told it's going to be different, everybody is dialed in, the players love each other, the coaches love the players, one happy family in a happy world with candy canes and gum drops. Every year, in recent history, it's been flameout after flameout, first round sweep, second round exit, pick your poison. 

This year was finally it though right? RIght?! One seed, best homecourt advantage in the league, relatively healthy team, and by all accounts, the undoubtedly easiest path to the conference finals. 7 games later, same song different verse. Congrats guys, you wasted one more year of Joel Embiid (probably his best too), have a coach who's stubborn and set in his ways and stop me if you heard this before, enter the summer with more questions than answers about your "Point Guard" who hasn't looked at the rim on offense in a good month. 

But I digress! ... Actually I don't I hope this team and this ownership and this front office spend the entire offseason reminded about their shortcomings and how they sold a hallow dream to a city and fan base and how I had to watch Danilo Fucking Gallinari pound his chest running across the WFC floor last Sunday night. 

We got all summer to discuss this team and its future and why a glacier cold Shake Milton got 5 crunch time minutes in Game 7 but for now here's my (Fluid) Offseason Wishlist 

-2 or 4 bucket getters (non-negotiable)
-Stretch 5, like actual stretch 5, don't try to sneak Mike Scott in there
-More rangy wings with dreads and tattoos
-A few (talented & useful) assholes. The Sixers got criminally beat up physically and mentally by a Hawks team that was tougher and always ready to deliver the punch instead of receive it
-More guys who can dunk. The Sixers just aren't athletic enough as a group. Maxey aside, they desperately need more guys with better touch around the rim and enough athleticism to not get their dunks blocked. I'm sick of it. 

Holy shit. No artificial sweeters? Just fruit juice, vodka and sparkling water? No weirdo seltzer aftertaste? Just get a party pack, you will not be disappointed.

The Rest From The Best
 

What a shitty end to a season. All is not lost though, the great Mike O'Connor has  8 steps for Daryl Morey and Co. to right the ship this offseason. 

There's more than enough blame to go around, and Andrew Unterberger does his best to to remind us who's all responsible for the collapse of the decade.

Spike was FORCED to say something nice about Bruce Springsteen. The new Carl Landry Record Club podcast talks about Springsteen's Nebraska and Say Anything's ... Is A Real Boy.

Charity Spotlight

The Institute for Development of African-American Youth (IDAAY) exists today to operate programs that provide educational, parental, intervention and prevention services to youth and their families throughout the Philadelphia area. They are always in need of support in many ways to help support their cause and mission

Check out IDAAY and how you can help!

Treat Your Pet Right, You Lunatic

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Peace, Love and Process

Call a friend, maybe read a book before you hop back into watching basketball.

-Zo