James Harden or Ben Simmons: Who Would Be Better on the Sixers Next Year?

Andrew Unterberger is a famous writer who invented the nickname 'Sauce Castillo' and writes for The Rights To Ricky Sanchez, as part of the 'If Not, Pick Will Convey As Two Second-Rounders' section of the site. You can follow Andrew on Twitter @AUGetoffmygold and can also read him at Billboard. 

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Whoever first said absence makes the heart go fonder and time heals all wounds -- same person, presumably -- well, they fucking meant that shit. I probably haven't had a specifically good thought about Ben Simmons since April 2021, but as soon as I saw him say that he'll "always have love for Philly" and considers Philly "a second home to me" and wishes that Elton John "would've recorded an entire album of Philly soul at Sigma Studios in the '70s instead of just a couple singles," I did melt just a little. Awww, Ben. Such a nice young man at heart. We had some good times together didn't we? What were we even fighting about, anyway?

This sudden and rather unexpected wave of sentiment carried me to the point of declaring in my friends' Slack that I would be fine with trading James Harden for Ben Simmons at this point, straight up. A couple seconds later it dawned on me that Ben Simmons is still making dozens of millions of dollars a year forever and that in the NBA that actually matters, and I quickly retracted my initial statement. Still, my initial fervor did lead me to wonder which of the two players the Sixers would be better off with next year -- if all contract considerations were equal and it was assumed both would actually play (albeit under duress) --  for one single, singularly miserable season. Here's how I'd break it down: 

Whose regular-season production would be better? This is a pretty easy one: James Harden's gifts for the game are as such that he can basically sleepwalk through entire seasons and still produce at a near All-Star level just as a virtue of his passing, shooting and grifting. Even when he was cartoonishly checked out at the beginning of the 2020-21 season for the Rockets -- the Fat Suit era -- he still averaged 25, 5 and 10 for an eight-game period before being traded. Meanwhile, "25, 5 and 10" was about a week's worth of game action for Ben towards the end of his last season. Injury-related perhaps, but also other stuff-related. 

Advantage: Harden

Who would Joel Embiid hate being teammates with again less? A little hard to say because we kinda need to get some updated decks about the big man's feelings on Uno. We've never really seen him be even passive-aggressively bitchy towards Harden, but undoubtedly whatever warmth he felt towards his point guard in their piggyback-riding, watch-gifting days has cooled over reports of Harden's wanting out -- particularly the recent ones that stipulate that his distaste for second-fiddling to Joel is a primary reason why. Still, even in a worst-case scenario, it's hard to imagine him sinking below Simmons and their half-decade together on JoJo's ex-teammate power rankings; once you unleash the RIP Bozo meme there's kinda no going back. 

Advantage: Harden

Who would be less of a distraction? Another pretty easy one: While the subject of Ben Simmons was a constant topic of disruption during the first half of the 2021-22 season, the actual presence of Simmons himself could not have been much less of a factor -- he suffered through one practice, found his entire body screaming out Work Sucks I Know, and was basically never heard from again. A discontented James Harden, on the other hand, has more than shown his willingness to put in facetime making sure his displeasure is felt in every corner of the organization. By the end of the season, he'd even make 2008 Manny Ramirez look like a good soldier and company man.  

Advantage: Simmons

Who would be easier to work around? James Harden and Ben Simmons both found ultimately dissatisfaction in Philly over wanting more on-ball empowerment than they were given -- but one of felt that way just because they sorta thought that was what was expected of them, and one of them felt that way because he genuinely believes in his bones that he is the most unstoppable offensive force in the NBA (and will be will into his 50s). If Simmons' time on the Nets last year showed one thing, it's that a secondary role isn't actually all that unbecoming to him; if anything, now that he's got a taste of having barely any on-court responsibility, it might be tough for him to go back to actually being expected to do shit. Still, we now know it's physically possible to have a team with Ben Simmons that doesn't revolve around him -- hard to imagine that ever being the case again with Harden. 

Advantage: Simmons

Who would the fans hate rooting for less? Tough one! Neither has many remaining supporters in the City of Brotherly Love at this point, and certainly both would quickly develop an antagonistic relationship with the already-declining Wells Fargo Center faithful, which they'd stoke in very different but equally deleterious ways. Still, I think the Philly Sports Mentality will always be a little more amenable to James Harden's brand of terribleness than Simmons', the half-asser forever a little more sympathetic than the guy who just doesn't even bother. Honestly it's pretty amazing that Simmons existed on the Sixers as long as he did. 

Advantage: Harden

Who would doom us less in the playoffs? This is, of course, a different question than "who would be better in the playoffs?" -- although actually, at this point, maybe not that much. Harden's potential for production would be higher,, but that doesn't really matter, since we sorta know at this point what we're getting in aggregate from a team led by Harden. Despite having even less of a track record of high-leverage playoff success than Harden, Simmons might actually be the preferable postseason performer at this point, simply because we could have the option of not leaning on him -- we could just use him as a wing off the bench, throw him at Jayson Tatum or Jimmy Butler for 12 minutes a game, and otherwise go about our business. Compared to 42 minutes of watching Harden run into walls over and over? Sounds great. 

Advantage: Simmons

Who would be funnier to have back? This is sorta what it comes down to, isn't it? Having either Harden or Simmons back would probably be about equally shitty at this point, but there'd at least be a novelty to having Simmons back -- and a darkly comedic, this-shit-only-happens-to-us irony -- to complement the ceaseless dread of knowing they're around, killing the vibes at any given opportunity. When you're carrying something really heavy, sometimes you just need to switch from your right hand to your left hand: Your overall situation won't actually improve as a result, but it'll seem slightly less terrible for the moment at least. That's pretty much where we are here. 

Advantage: Simmons

WINNER: Ben Simmons, 4-3, come back all is forgiven