The Process Really Must Be Over If Draft Night Is This Boring
The Process Really Must Be Over If Draft Night Is This Boring
Andrew Unterberger is a famous writer who invented the nickname 'Sauce Castillo' and writes for The Rights To Ricky Sanchez, as part of the 'If Not, Pick Will Convey As Two Second-Rounders' section of the site. You can follow Andrew on Twitter @AUGetoffmygold and can also read him at Billboard.
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On Wednesday, I texted Spike asking if he thought Tobias Harris was really gonna get traded on draft night.
He wrote back, "Nah."
And that was about it for my investment in the 2023 NBA draft.
Not like it's shocking. The Sixers haven't had drafted in the top 20 in five years. They haven't used a first-round pick or had a second-round pick since 2021. Last year, we at least had a first-round pick to shop around with, but this year, there was only the hope that we would either buy our way in or take advantage of some team's chaos to cash out on Tobias' expiring deal. But all trade rumors had run aground by draft day and Josh Harris was probably never going to spend cash on a pick in the 50s that he could have used to buy a controlling interest in some minor league lacrosse team that is also somehow a major Philly sports rival. And so the Philadelphia 76ers just slid past draft night like Brian Windhorst in an ESPN triptych, a fleeting and unimpactful presence, notable only for signing some two-way guys (one of whom I hope sticks around long enough for me to be able to nickname him “Style”) after the fact and leaking a shopping list of groceries they ultimately left on the shelves anyway.
It's probably not worth getting too angry about. After all, this is what life is like most of the time for teams that are both consistently good and consistently trying to get better. There's no point in hoarding draft picks on a team where every player on it is actually *supposed to be* a useful contributor; that's how you end up letting Charles Bassey and Isaiah Joe loose for absolutely nothing, just because too many dudes with guaranteed money are already hanging around and well gotta cut somebody. And we needed to use those picks we might've otherwise had tonight to upgrade our roster with James Harden, Jalen McDaniels and, uh, the right to tamper for P.J. Tucker and Danuel House, Jr. It stinks, but that's what going all-in means.
Man, it's kinda surreal though, isn't it? We used to wait all year for this. We used to throw massive parties just for the night where they determined the order for draft night -- like if instead of going to our favorite restaurant for our birthday dinner, we just all hung around a livecam of the chefs in the kitchen while they planned that night's menu. We used to have life-or-death opinions about the main guys; we used to pretend we actually knew what the fuck we were talking about with the other guys. We used to gladly stay up till 2:00 in the morning to see every last pick and then take victory laps around the block just because we landed Arsalan Kazemi or Furkan Aldemir. Hell, I used to go to the draft. Every year. Sober. Loved it. Now that seems about as exciting to me as, I dunno, attending an HSBE corporate retreat.
And it's not just that the Sixers have no real skin of their own in the game anymore, either. It's that the Sixers have ruined us -- well, me, anyway -- from caring about the specific fortunes of any other team or player. I used to have non-Philly rooting interests; now I hate everyone who isn't us for one reason or another and take no joy in anyone's success. Who are these mostly tall, mostly well-dressed young men who will one day be part of the league I watch more than any other, perhaps even playing consequential roles? I dunno. I guess I'll find out in time, but for the moment who they are and where they are going does not mean a great deal to me. I used to have, like, opinions about the Bulls trading up to take Doug McDermott with the 11th pick. Now it's just like, oh, there's two guys named Kobe. There's a guy named Dick who dresses all crazy like. There's a pair of Thompsons getting drafted back to back, but I can't tell if they're actually brothers or if that's just an internet bit. Victor Wembenyama, he's supposed to be good -- got that. Anything else... I guess I'll figure it out before my next fantasy draft.
Some folks -- one of whom may be picketing at two jobs at once by the time this post goes up -- are likely screaming bloody murder today about the Sixers not doing anything last night, not even bothering to humor us by giving us a quick, cheap taste of That Old Feeling. I get it, but personally I think it's probably for the best. There's no surer sign that the Process as we once knew it is over than an NBA draft where we spend all 60 picks wondering what Carmy from The Bear is up to. It's been ten years now, and fact of the matter is that draft night being A Thing feels about as much of a mid-'10s relic at this point as Iggy Azalea rapping over a trop-house beat. It was fun back in the day, but this is a normal draft night for a team like the Sixers at this point. Time to find a new slant.