Drake/Kanye vs. Ben Simmons/The Sixers: Which Is the More Annoying Feud?
An in-depth examination.
Andrew Unterberger is a famous writer who invented the nickname 'Sauce Castillo' and is now writing for The Rights To Ricky Sanchez, as part of the 'If Not, Pick Will Convey As Two Second-Rounders' section of the site. You can follow Andrew on Twitter @AUGetoffmygold and can also read him at Billboard.
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Lately, three very famous and successful gentlemen have been taking up way too much of my personal and professional energy: Drake, Kanye West and Ben Simmons. Two of them are chart-topping and generally celebrated (if not always particularly likeable) rappers, currently fighting with one another for reasons 90% of the country could not explain and the other 10% could write a senior thesis about. One of them is a not-chart-topping or generally celebrated point guard currently beefing with his hopefully-soon-to-be-former team for reasons that everyone understands but no one can seem to really do anything about at the moment. All of them are an absolute drag on my life as a writer and a fan right now.
These two feuds have taken over both of my gigs and the entirety of my social media, with no signs of petering out. They are not cute or interesting and they have long since lost any sense of novelty or big-picture insight. At this point my overall distaste for both beefs is infecting all enjoyment I once got out of any of them, to the point where I need nothing so much as a long break from all of them -- but work prevents me from shutting out any of them for too long, because they're basically the only thing to write about at the moment.
Which one of the two feuds is causing me more tsuris as we head into this Jewish New Year? I'm so glad I asked.
Track record of prior success:
Drake and Kanye West have, together, been responsible for somewhere in the range of 10 classic albums and 250 songs that I love over the course of their professional careers. Since I started watching the Sixers seriously again in 2007, they have won four playoff series -- none past the first round -- three of which featured Ben Simmons.
More annoying: Ben vs. Sixers
Insufferable recent product:
Things Donda, Certified Lover Boy and the Sixers-Hawks series all have in common:
-Everyone got way too hyped for it
-Supporting cast ended up having to save the day too often
-Lots of cringeworthy moments you still wince to think about
-Lil Baby
-Should've ended much earlier than it did
Only one of the three closed with Ben not dunking and Matisse fouling Kevin Huerter beyond the arc, though.
More annoying: Ben vs. Sixers
Drama legitimacy:
Kanye and Drake have both been involved in some of the most fascinating, revealing pop culture feuds of the past 20 years, but their quibbles with one another are really quite boring and toothless. They fight like corporations, both aimless in their animosity and too concerned with the bottom lines to put anything of real emotional or artistic value at stake in their warring; getting invested in one side would be like wearing a Bezos jersey to his one-on-one game against Elon Musk. Meanwhile, Ben Simmons vs. the Sixers carries an entire era's worth of trauma on its back -- multiple, maybe -- with hurt feelings on both sides that will almost certainly never properly heal. It sucks, but at least it's real.
More annoying: Drake vs. Kanye
Feud inertia:
Both feuds keep trucking along with no real sense of purpose: Drake "leaked" Kanye's "Life of the Party" -- his Drake dis also featuring unwilling supporting beefer Andre 3000, apparently cut from Donda -- the day after Certified Lover Boy's release, while Ben Simmons is getting linked to new opposing teams (The Cavaliers! The Celtics!) every day with no concrete developments ever to follow. At least Drake and Kanye's collateral damage comes with a top-shelf new Three Stacks verse; if there's any such worthwhile side effects to the Simmons-Sixers stalemate I've yet to see them.
More annoying: Ben vs. Sixers
Irritating fans:
I mean in truth, all fans of everyone are equally annoying always. But of the four parties -- Drake, Kanye, Ben, the Sixers -- there's only one fanbase with any obviously apparent sense of humor or self-awareness, and I'm pretty sure it's us. (Maybe occasionally Drake fans too.)
More annoying: Drake vs. Kanye
Overall grossness:
The unsavoriness abounds across these Kanye and Drake projects. The former brought out DaBaby and Marilyn Manson for his second Donda live event as if he possessed either the authority or the judgment to offer them absolution for their recent sins; maybe the latter didn't realize he had sampled R. Kelly or just didn't care enough to stop it, less unclear is the fact that he should probably stay away from L-word-related punchlines from now on. As smug as Ben Simmons (and I suppose, Daryl Morey) can seem at times, his true failings have always seemed a lot more human and relatable to me.
More annoying: Drake vs. Kanye
Lost objectivity:
It wasn't all that long ago -- just three years -- that I was actually defending the latest critically panned Kanye and Drake albums. (Ye has some clunkers but some genuinely interesting, risky moments to me; Scorpion I still think is just good fun.) Meanwhile, back in February 2020, there were fewer bigger Simmons fans than I; before All-Star Weekend I even went to the friggin' NBA Store on 5th Ave in Manhattan and paid some obscene amount for a jersey because I felt he had just earned it. I don't know if I'm capable of enjoying any of the three the same way at this point -- but even with my most hated pop stars, one really good song can make all the difference. With Ben, I just don't think I can ever trust him or think about him rationally again. We'll see about the rest of the Sixers.
More annoying: Ben vs. Sixers
Likely imminent resolution:
As interminable as the Drake-Kanye feud seems to be, chances are the oxygen kinda has to run out sometime soon -- this is still mostly just promotional nonsense, and once neither dude has a brand-new album worth hooking the Internet's attention for, eventually they'll almost certainly stop casting lines altogether. Ben vs. the Sixers? I wish I could be so confident. All the rumors, the leaks from player and management, the speculation and the wishful thinking -- it never feels like we're any closer to a team offering Daryl a package for Ben that he's actually willing to accept. It has to happen sometime, but then again, maybe it doesn't? I dunno. Gimme a Ben trade tomorrow and I'll gladly hold my tongue about any Drake and Kanye shenanigans for the rest of the year.
More annoying: Ben vs. Sixers
MORE ANNOYING OVERALL FEUD: BEN SIMMONS VS. THE PHILADELPHIA 76ERS